um, can i rant a bit?

just a bit?

k.

thanks.

i should probably do this on a dA journal because that's what it relates to but i don't update that journal, so whatever.

in about july, i decided to make a header banner for this very lj: HERE. it is a photomanipulation, i wanted to do something kind of "dark" just for the hell of it. it's a redo of a manipulation i did a year or so ago, and i'm pretty happy with the way it turned out, since i have practically no experience with photomanip and it was just for my own personal use.

apparently, the rest of deviantart loves it to, since i now have 127 favorites on it. i got something like 80 within the first week it was up, or something. i don't remember exactly.

i shouldn't be complaining that i made something popular, i guess. but holy christ.

it's a fucking LJ HEADER.

I DON'T REALLY CARE TOO HARD ABOUT IT.

i put it up on dA because it did take a little effort and i do like how it came out. but this is ridiculous.

there are many other pieces i worked equally hard on; i am far, far more proud of some of my photography and all of my writing than i am of some brushed-over and overused stock image. my writing is ME, it is personal. i would much rather get attention for how i write than how i use photoshop on some photograph someone else took. not to mention, people don't even look at the rest of my shit; they just see the piece on someone else's favorites list, add it to their own, and be on their merry way. which is fine, but.

is that selfish? i mean, i'll admit i haven't been very active on dA. i should be happy to be recognized for something; but that stock has been used a thousand times and plenty of them in the same capacity that i used it in. i'm not proud of it because it's original. because it's not. i'm proud of 'mechanics' because it's rare that i write and to be frank, i really doubt there's too many poems using a newton's cradle as an extended metaphor. i'm proud of 'windows' because it was a fluke shot of my friend's cat that turned out to be totally perfect. i'm proud of 'any kind of truth' because the image's message means a lot to me. i'm proud of everything, even the photomanip, it's just that that one piece isn't all me. it's an arrangement of resources. out of everything that is mine, it is the least me.

so is that selfish? to want to be recognized for something close to my heart, as opposed to something that i am emotionally neutral towards? or am i asking for too much here?

so on monday i am going to HOTLANTA [gerard, wtf? nobody says hotlanta anymoar]. exciting, cause i love atlanta. and cause we get to go to a baseball game tuesday night. and my mom gets to go to ikea. oh and i guess it's cool cause i get to hang out with kazexhane . i mean. i guess. idk. that'll probably be ~lame and ~boring and *SNIPED*

so yes. atlanta monday. come back thursday. good times to be had by all. i'm gonna bring my camera and intend on trying to burn through at least two rolls of film if not three or four. which means i'll have to go buy film.

this is my grocery list for the next few days

1. Film
2. Cheerwine
3. ???
4. Profit

goddamnbitchcangetherowncheerwine

anyway hi

because i won't stop fucking fangirling until i get it out of my system i'm doing like a painting of the joker? except it sucks because i fail at like major hardcore painting projects? i started it in photoshop and then i was like I HATE PHOTOSHOP so i'm now working in openCanvas which is like photoshop's retarded little brother that i love twice as much.

i downloaded painter X which ok if you can use painter? ifuckingworshipyouthnx. that shit is HARD. i cannot get the hang of it at all. i've been messing with it and i'm still like....as dfkjdsl;gdhg WHAT AM I DOING

visual art really was never my thing. i'm decent at it but i just don't have the motivation.

i need to find my tripod because when we go to the ball game i wanna get some neat shots with my ~telephoto lens~ and i need to keep the camera steady. it's probably either shoved up my ass, or it's in the garage. either way, i'll never find it. ever.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT


BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT~*

my internet has been really slow. it's kind of annoying. my mom thinks that our little twat of a neighbor is bleeding off of our cable - idk, if he is i want to cut his throat because this is annoying and we don't pay 2345574525345234 dollars a month for dial-up speed. i want my fast internet back, jesus. i think it also has to do with the heat. i couldn't explain the physics of that one to you by any means but every time the weather heats up the internet, idk, it melts or something. /i'm not really that stupid guys, just so you know

my house is a piece of shit. as such, the other day our stove just decided to up and quit working. well, the oven part. the cooktop is fine, but my mom tried to turn on the oven last week and all it did was leak gas.

"mom, something smells funny."
"it's.... chicken."
"yes, because chicken definitely smells like a natural gas leak."
"...... smartass."

ahem. so my mom went on a pilgrimage to her favorite [and incidentally, my least favorite] place in the whole wide world, other than ikea - sears. and then lowes. and then in lowes she was like "ok, we're getting this oven." so we bought it. end of story. poof. it'll be here in a few days, and since it doesn't match up with our fridge or our dishwasher, we'll have to replace those, too.

wink wink. yeah, our dishwasher is kind of falling out of the wall, and the fridge, while it still works, the icemaker is a gay ass little motherfucker and doesn't like dispensing ice half the time and the thing is kind of small, so we were planning on getting rid of those pieces of shit anyway.

i'm probably going to see if taylor needs help moving shit on wednesday into his ~new apartment. he's been moving shit right along recently, what with various discoveries yesterday and today hauling crap into his new place. i haven't heard him as excited as he was yesterday in a long time. i kinda wanted just to hug him. unfortunately that's a little bit more than impossible over the ~phone. my mom was pleasantly surprised too... but that's because she's a genealogy freak, whatever.

new pieces of photography on dA. i'll uh, actually post them on here when the spirit moves me. right now i'm tired and eating pizza, and i care about little else.

^{click for full, obviously.}

holy shit, right.

three images, developed in the darkroom. photography project for school. i posted these on photographers a few days ago, but i thought i'd put them here too. :]

thumbs under the cut. click on the thumbs for full size.